i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
