yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize