I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
