Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
