Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
