I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
