yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We left the knife in your bed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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