i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
