Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
