I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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