I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
