My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
