You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
