I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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