you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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