Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
