This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
