Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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