dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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