So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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