Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
