The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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