An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
