he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
