i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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