I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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