not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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