I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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