Jerry, you need to find god
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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