i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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