Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Randomize
