it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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