Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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