Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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