the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
