bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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