There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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