At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
