my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
