I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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