I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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