Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
