i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
