we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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