Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
