so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
