Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
