I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
