Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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