getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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