Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize