Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I fill condoms, not promises.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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