I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize