I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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