Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
