My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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