Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
