i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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