So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
