why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
