I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
