Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
