it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
