My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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