I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Houston, we have a squirter
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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